On howaboutwe.com, they suggested ten pickup lines that you can use for flirting at the bookstore. I enjoyed them very much I couldn’t help replying to each statement.
“I see that you can read. That shit’s hot.”
–>I take this as an insult. Well, buddy, SURPRISE! I CAN read.
“Excuse me, could you point me toward the Self-Help section? I need some advice on how to approach a gorgeous girl in a bookstore without seeming creepy.”
–>I see that you really need help in fighting off your own creepiness, not to mention your stupidity in finding a section in a room that is small enough. Each section has its own name pasted on top of its shelf. Might be you’re the one who CAN’T read?
“I don’t mean to brag, but I’m one of the fastest speed-readers in the tri-county area.”
–Ah, but did you understand what you read?
“I hope this isn’t too forward, but I saw you awkwardly skimming The Illustrated Kama Sutra, and I gotta say that I find your discerning literary taste to be immensely attractive. ”
–Oh, eff off. I wasn’t skimming it. I was deciding whether burning it would make this shelf better. And what did you say? Literary taste? Such book and “literary taste” should never be in the same sentence unless you mean to say “I’m a stupid cow who has no literary taste because the only book I read is The Illustrated Kama Sutra.”
“Man, I could read Pride and Prejudice over and over. Elizabeth Bennett is fine ashell.”
-Boring. If you probably said Game Of Thrones or Harry Potter maybe I’d change my mind.
“I don’t know about you, but I found to Dave Eggers’ latest effort to be really derivative. Just kidding. I don’t even know what ‘derivative’ means. God your eyes are pretty.”
–Go back to your Calculus class.
“There’s nothing sexier than Ayn Rand preachin’ about egoism, am I right? I’m right.”
–I’m not willing to compete against Ayn Rand. You just said there’s NOTHING sexier than her preaching. Marry her then and let her preach you about egoism until you die out of narcissism.
“Would it be too bold of me to ask your opinion on the state of contemporary American literature? Personally, I think that Michael Chabon and George Saunders are revolutionizing the game.”
“I noticed that you’re holding a copy of Twilight. Let’s never, ever go out.”
-Yes, that’s my plan. I can’t stand people who ride on the hate bandwagon as if they’ve written a book themselves. So you hate Twilight. What are you reading? If it’s not as awesome as either Harry Potter or Game Of Thrones, be ashamed of yourself hating any book, okay? Bye bye.
“Can you believe that kid over there is just reading Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time? Welcome to 1997, buddy. Spoiler alert: Snape kills Dumbledore.”
–Haha. Wait, do you have a Pottermore account? Oh my God, yes? *FRIENDS*